I have a lot on my mind today, I woke up thinking about my grandfather and have been doing everything I can to hold myself together this morning. I miss him so much, I know he is still in my heart, but some days it doesn't feel like enough. I lost my grandfather to cancer this past February, as well as my Uncle in November and tomorrow I will begin a journey in their honor. I can't help but think back to the final days, visiting my grandfather and feeling his cold but gentle hand and knowing that when I said goodbye it was the last time he would be there with my physically. I've never told anyone this IRL, mostly because it is just to hard to talk about still but that day when I was standing over his bed I said "Hi Bon-Papa, it's Melissa" I did everything I could to hold back my tears for my grandmothers sake. He was asleep and hadn't spoken or moved much for the past couple days, but when I leaned over him, I could see him try to open his eyes, and knew you wanted to respond. I told him I loved him and kissed him goodbye. I excused myself from the room and proceeded to breakdown as I walked out of the nursing home.
It was two days later that my Dad made the call to my sister at 6:30 a.m., he had passed early that morning. It didn't seem real, how could someone just be gone. I've lost loved ones before, my Uncle passed away in November, but it was still a new feeling. I had a rough couple of years in high school. I dealt with eating disorders, attempted suicide and nearly got kicked out of the preparatory high school my entire family had attended. Through it all there were three people who truly supported me through all the decisions I made; my Dad, my Grandfather and my sister. These three people never judged me or made me feel like a failure, and they knew EVERYTHING. I still remember my grandfather telling me that no matter what, he loved me and was proud of me. I remember him telling me how beautiful I was and how special I was EVERY time he saw me, he always made me feel like a princess. I have attributed my success with WW to him, it is my honest belief that he wants me to see myself the way he has always seen me, beautiful. I'm working at it!
I know that this journey is going to be emotional for me, I know that I will feel my grandfather and my Uncles presence over the next three days. Nothing will bring them back, but I am walking in hopes that someday someone will not have to fear losing a loved one from cancer, because, truly "Everyone deserves a lifetime".
Now I am speaking to all of my virtual supporters and friends, please, please, please if there is one thing you do for me...learn your family history, talk about health, get checked, because cancer is completely treatable. My dear cousin once said "Every American has the potential to get cancer, and the potential to cure it."
Alright, I need to get my head cleared and get finished up at work. Thank you everyone for your support, it means so much to me. Remember to wear pink this weekend! I'll be thinking about each of you and back on Sunday to update on the walk!
It was two days later that my Dad made the call to my sister at 6:30 a.m., he had passed early that morning. It didn't seem real, how could someone just be gone. I've lost loved ones before, my Uncle passed away in November, but it was still a new feeling. I had a rough couple of years in high school. I dealt with eating disorders, attempted suicide and nearly got kicked out of the preparatory high school my entire family had attended. Through it all there were three people who truly supported me through all the decisions I made; my Dad, my Grandfather and my sister. These three people never judged me or made me feel like a failure, and they knew EVERYTHING. I still remember my grandfather telling me that no matter what, he loved me and was proud of me. I remember him telling me how beautiful I was and how special I was EVERY time he saw me, he always made me feel like a princess. I have attributed my success with WW to him, it is my honest belief that he wants me to see myself the way he has always seen me, beautiful. I'm working at it!
I know that this journey is going to be emotional for me, I know that I will feel my grandfather and my Uncles presence over the next three days. Nothing will bring them back, but I am walking in hopes that someday someone will not have to fear losing a loved one from cancer, because, truly "Everyone deserves a lifetime".
Now I am speaking to all of my virtual supporters and friends, please, please, please if there is one thing you do for me...learn your family history, talk about health, get checked, because cancer is completely treatable. My dear cousin once said "Every American has the potential to get cancer, and the potential to cure it."
Alright, I need to get my head cleared and get finished up at work. Thank you everyone for your support, it means so much to me. Remember to wear pink this weekend! I'll be thinking about each of you and back on Sunday to update on the walk!
{{{{{HUGS}}}}} to you ALL!
7 comments:
I am crying just reading this! You are such an amazing woman! I will be thinking about you and I will wear my pink shirt this weekend. I can NOT wait to hear about your walk. You will do great and I will be thinking of you all weekend!
{{HUGS!}} I know I've said it before, but I totally understand what you're going through. My gramps passed away in December of 2001, and I feel him with me even today. I think it's so wonderful taht you're doing this in his and your uncle's memory.
You'll be in my thoughts and prayers this weekend - and I have a new pink polo that's pefect for the job! :o)
The absolute best of luck to you this weekend. I think it's completely awesome you are doing this walk and you are doing it for all the right reasons! Can't wait to hear hot it goes!
formeforlife
blogs.weightwatchen.com/formeforlife
{{HUGS!}} Just thinking about you. :)
Good luck on your walk. It is awesome that you've found such a great way to honor the great men in your life that you've lost. I'm sure you're right, they'll be there pushing you along!
(((HUGS)))
I remember how I felt when I lost my grandmother 10 years ago, not to cancer but to other illnesses. The company I work for deals with a lot of cancer treatments and I personally know how it can affect lives of those around you. Good for you for doing the walk. Have great time and know that your grandpa and uncle will be ther with you and your grandpa will be telling you how beautiful and special you are!
I can't wait to hear how the walk went!! Hope everything went great - I'm sure it did! By the way I wore pink this weekend in honor of you - thank you for caring and offering hope and inspiration to us all!
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