I realized yesterday I am headed to a place I don't want to go...a place I've been before and I don't need to go again. I've got a lot going on, a lot on my mind and it's all starting to get a bit overwhelming. I've dealt with deep depression before and I can feel myself heading in that direction.
I am fed up with my job. I am putting in 3 - 15 hour days a week and am still being told it isn't going to be enough. I have more experience and more education then several of the managers, yet I am being passed up for promotions one after the next. My reviews are good, the managers I work with tell me I am doing everything right and deserve the promotions...still, nothing. I am taking on more and more work trying to prove that I am capable, but it is burning me out and I am less motivated now then I have ever been in the past. I am starting to get worried that I am not going to make it. Arghh...what do I need to do. The only advice I have received that makes any sense at all is to start looking for a career with another company...if this one doesn't want me, someone else sure will!
I am exhausted. It seems like no matter how much laundry or dishes I do there are always more. I know this is the case for everyone, but I am not handling the chores as well as I should. Derek tries to help out so much around the house, but he is in class 3 nights a week as well and homework takes up much of his free time. Hopefully we can get a schedule worked out that will keep us both sane!
I'm not sure how much I have said about my dear BIL to you guys, but if I have said anything at all you know I can't stand the guy. He is like a 3 year old in a really ugly 28 year olds body (sorry, that was mean). He treats my sister and my family like carp and thinks he is better then EVERYONE. Why does he think this? Well, because he uses my sister and spends ALL of her money on material objects. For instance a convertible that she bought now has some 30,000 in upgrades and she is no longer ALLOWED to drive it! There house has everything you can imagine and he makes sure to point out everything to us whenever we are over. They have top of the line EVERYTHING. I know I sound jealous, but I honestly get so upset with all of this because he does this and then treats my sister like a spec of dirt. He tells her she needs to loose weight, tells her she doesn't do enough, refuses to do anything for Rosie or his two dogs and expects her to take care of everything. He complains he has to work TOO much, but when he was offered another job, turned it down because he wanted to stay at his current high school job. He makes my sister feel bad if she doesn't buy him everything he wants and he cheats the system to get bigger and better whenever he can. The guy is slum and everyone that meets him sees it immediately. One of my best friends has met him twice (5-10 minutes each time) and can't stand him. Why am I letting all of this out here? I can't say any of it to my sister. My parents can't stand him, but feel that it is my sister that needs to figure it out herself. I am screaming inside my head right now. If I could I would punch him in the face!
Okay, I am getting to worked up and I need to concentrate some on work. I am doing well on the diet front. The scale was still reading 125.5 this morning so I am happy and I think a little shake up in my menu and increase in daily calories is just what I needed!!
I will be snooping around today, hopefully my bad mood doesn't reflect in my comments, I apologize if it does. Have a great OP day everyone!!!
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5 comments:
First off - you are right - if that company doesn't see what it has in you then it is time to put on your travelling shoes! Trust me - nothing is worse than being miserable at your job! It doesn't sound like doing more is getting you anywhere so start looking sister! I left a job that I loved but where I was way underappreciated and basically really mistreated to pursue something else. Well let's just say that THEY came asking me back and when I did go back I laid down the law and things are fantastic. You are way too determined to sit back and take anyone's crap!
Second, cut yourself a break.......girl you do more than just about anyone I know, work, school, exercise, family......oh yeah, not to mention you just freaking completed a 60 mile walk!!! Goodness gracious......don't worry about the dishes or the laundry - they will be there tomorrow. Sit at home and relax or do something that YOU want to do. Take care of Matty for a bit - you deserve it!
Okay, last thing - your poor sister......sounds like she has a total jackass for a husband. Why is it that great people seem to get stuck with less than great ones? That guy doesn't know how good he has it.....a great wife and adorable baby girl yet he is still totally caught up in material things - sounds like he is really immature! I hope that your sister realizes how much she is worth and can either kick him into gear or to the curb......I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers!
It is going to work out - just hang in there.....you are beautiful, smart, talented, funny and very loved by a lot of people! {{{HUGS}}}
I agree with Steph you are very intelligent with a lot of talent. There is a company out there that needs your expertise so don't take any crap from present job.
I feel bad for your sister hopefully she realizes what kind of man she's with and finds a better life for herself. I don't blame you for being upset with him.
You have a full schedule going on so dont be so hard on yourself ok? Treat yourself to something special because you deserve it. You are in my thoughts and prayers so take care my friend. :)
{{hugs!!}}
If they don't appreciate you, then they don't deserve you.
And Steph's right - you need down time. Nobody's house is perfect 24/7 so you shouldn't expect your's to be, either. Especially if it means neglecting yourself to get it done.
I'm praying for your sister and BIL - I think that's the only thing the will help. I hate that he's such a booger head, though.
I hope your mood has improved, and I hope that you have an awesome weekend!!
I'm sorry to hear that things are sucking right now... The depression thing is a real bugger... and knowing it's coming almost makes it worse... I agree with Steph... take some time to pamper yourself! You BEYOND deserve it!
You know, I kinda figured either BIL wasn't in the picture or you couldn't stand him b/c you never mentioned Rosie's dad. I'm sorry you are going through that. Your sister will figure it all out on her own one day. It may take some time, but she will.
On the job....if they don't want to promote you, tell them to stick it where the sun doesn't shine and go find a better place where you can move up in the industry. You deserve that much!
The chores--chill out! they will be there tomorrow. Having a perfect house isn't a high priority in life. It doesn't matter in the whole scheme of life. Cut yourself a break. School just started...let yourself get into a groove and you will find your pace (and Derek's too!). We're here anytime you need us! ;)
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